'A Long Overdue Update'

 In case any of you have been wondering why this blog has fallen silent since Christmas 2020 I thought it time to post an update about just what has happened in my life since then.

Firstly, I lost my lovely Mum, Margaret Rose May on Nov 5th 2021 during the Covid pandemic. The stress of that entire 'lockdown' period and having to deal with both my Mum's illness and my Dad's battle with serious mental heath issues took its toll on me and I 'lost my mind' and ended up in a Mental Hospital...

I was in one of the two different Hospitals that I ended up in all over Christmas 2011 and had no access to the outside world at all. I am not a mobile phone user (HATE them!) and had no money on me so was 'completely out of the loop' throughout that whole period. 

The horrific things that happened to me and that I saw and felt during that period of eight weeks - I was released on 14th of Jan 2022 - will stay with me always. Though (thankfully!) most of them were hallucinations (brought on (I assume) by my illness and the drugs I was on to cure me) and not actually real they WERE real to me and I can still remember pretty much exactly what happened, who I was with, what I said etc from that period. It was all pretty scarey stuff and I believed I was 'Jack The Ripper' at one point and heard a dear female friend of mine being raped by two men multiple times and murdered (whilst she screamed my name through the walls but I could not go to her aid) on another occasion...

As you can well imagine (though I am much better now thank God!) these experiences have taken a huge toll on me and to some extent are things I feel I am unlikely to ever fully recover from...

Since that time I have been unable to function in any kind of emotional way really. Even writing birthday cards I find unpleasant! I guess it's because - having been so damaged by loss - my mind thinks it better not to get so fond of anyone anymore. However silly that is and sounds I can understand why I am that way because no-one would ever want to go through what I have been through again. I no longer watch any news reports nor read any newspapers either because it is all bad news, lies (in my opinion!) and negative stuff that either makes you feel unsafe, frustrated, angry or scared and I need to keep well away from all of those kind of feelings!

Sadly, since Mum died I haven't really been able to 'do Christmas' and have not written a single card nor bought any presents for anyone since that time. I really understand now how Ebeneezer Scrooge felt when he lost his beloved sister but unlike him I do hold hopes of one-day getting my 'festive mojo back'. For now though it all seems 'too soon' and the way that the world has changed so dramatically for me since I was ill ( I also lost my best friend, Keith Tooke 5 months after Mum died when he passed away suddenly and unexpectedly) has done a lot of emotional damage. So much so that the 'thrill' I used to get each year as the festive season approached has gone. I seem incapable of being touched now by the spirit of Christmas and all the joy of giving and receiving has simply died...

It is all very sad (if understandable) and I have lost touch with lots of people since my illness. This is in part down to the fact that (ironically!) I am not having to act as a carer for my Dad who is 87 and cannot do many of the things he used to be able to for himself anymore. I am grateful though that I am seemingly coping o.k. with that task and doing a good job in a tough situation but life is a VERY long way from what it was! You only get one Mum in this world and she is the best friend you will ever have so even if you lose her in ordinary circumstances it is life changing!

Anyway, I thought I'd post here (finally) to let you all know what the situation is (for now)...

I do send all of you my love and pray that life will be much kinder to you than it has been to me this last 4 or 5 years but then I WAS so lucky to have such a happy childhood and home life for so many years and I try to remember that...

You are all in my prayers,

Love, Tony May xx

'Merry Christmas!'

Well, how was it for you? (lol)

No, I mean CHRISTMAS! 

O.k. - enough of the ' crimbo cracker' humour - I am actually feeling quite emotional today for a number of reasons. 

The first being that I have had a nice, quiet Christmas with my Mum and Dad - something that I am only too aware of is unlikely to be something I will be able to say much longer. It hasn't all been 'rosy' though as Mum got upset at not being able to see my brother, Geoff and the rest of our family on Christmas Day and Dad has been in a lot of physical pain one way and another as well as being 'bored stupid'.

There is though and never will be any substitute for being with family at Christmas time and I myself had a 'little blub' this morning while watching the excellent Channel 5 documentary about George Michael on T.V. Having to go home for Christmas to a Dad that you don't feel able to tell that you are gay must be awful but having to do that when your lover is also dying of A.I.D.S. half the way around the other side of the world is worse than tragic. When you watch the documentary you realise why George ended up doing some of the apparently bizzarre things that he did and get a somewhat 'piercing view' into what life as a Superstar is like. As most who know me will tell you - I myself have always craved fame and (more importantly) recognition but watching programmes like this one on George make a person realise that it isn't always such a bad thing to be a 'torn out punter from Hastings'.

George Michael was a lovely bloke - something a lot of us found out in the most graphic way for the first time when he died and his generous deeds of kindness came out. I am so glad that he will forever be associated with 'the spirit of Christmas', of 'good will to all men' and also of honesty and humour. How he dealt with his 'misdemeaners' in life is an example to us all and proof that if we choose to deal with things in the right way they don't have to brand us with negative vibes forever - a genuine apology and a 'hands up' approach mean a lot to people and most of us like to forgive if given the chance...

It has also been a very odd Boxing Day for me. Usually on this day I am with my 'punting pals' and we are down the bookies and out of the house meeting 'our fellow punters' swapping tips and stories and DREAMING of a nice win to pay for our Christmas! (lol) 99 times out of a hundred I lose on Boxing Day and come home deflated but this year not even being able to get a bet on at all - let alone be with a real human being! - has really brought home my sense of loss. I think we are all going to be much more appreciative of 'the simple things' in life if and when we beat this virus and losing on the horses having spent an afternoon with the 'lads on the lash' will seem like fun - even if I come home wearing nothing but a barrel! (lol)

Typically today, when I absolutely could not get a bet on, I reckon me and my mate Paul would have won but whether we would have won a lot is doubtful. The King George at Kempton was a brilliant race and Jockey, Bryony Frost rode a BRILLIANT tactical ride on 20/1 winner 'Frodon'. We all knew that the little horse was 'tough as nails' and would give it his best shot from the front but Bryony (surely the best lady Jockey of all time so far) got her tactics SPOT ON and judged the pace of the race perfectly to give 'Fro' as she calls him the best chance of 'grinding the others into the dust'.

Yet  more tears filled my eyes when she passed the winning post and for me the spirit that 'Frodon' shows is the very same as that which we must now all show in fighting coronavirus. Attack and defence at just the right time and for just the right amount of time are the key - we may be 20/1 outsiders in a straight fight but brains can often beat brawn if a little patience is involved! Well done, Bryony! I think you should get the 'ride of the year' award for today's performance and seeing you and Frodon win in the way that you did helped to remind me just why I LOVE Horse Racing - regardless of whether I have a bet on it or not.

The cards and 'bits' you can see here are all mementoes I shall keep from this years crop of cards and tags. I have literally a suitcase full of old cards up in our loft and wouldn't have it any other way! (lol)

Enjoy the rest of Boxing Day and DO be careful from now on for a while - especially on New Years Eve - and I will see you all again next year (God willing) for some more festive blogging...

Lots of love, Tony May xx

'No Show For My Christmas Show Thanks to Mr. C'

 Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear! This year has been a real bar-steward hasn't it! As I expect you found out this morning, in spite of all of our efforts planning it my Christmas appearance on C.H. R. (Conquest Hospital Radio) had to be cancelled at the last minute because of the pandemic. Jeff Belton and I were prepared to go to the Conquest and do the show but with Hastings & St Leonards in a bad way with new infections and the Conquest housing a good many Covid patients now the head of C.H.R. decided the safest thing to do was to cancel all live shows for the time being...

As GUTTED as I was to hear the news yesterday I can't say that I blame him. There might be a chance (depending on what happens with the virus) that Jeff and I will get to do the show at a later date but even if we do it won't be quite the same as doing it in the run up to Christmas.

ANYWAY, no point in dwelling on spilt milk and so I think to cheer you up a bit I will tell you a few of the 'crap jokes' I had written especially for the show - that way you will be GLAD that it was cancelled! (lol)

Here goes...

Have you ever stopped to think about how thousands of women have babies delivered each year and yet you never see anyone sign for them on the doorstep.

My mum said that she wanted something sweet for Christmas this year - so I bought her a sofa.

My Doctor always tells me that I am on a diet entirely of my own making - in the respect that no matter what he tells me to do I am determined to eat what I like until I die!

Why are Artists always tougher than the best Boxers? Because once they get their brushes out and start painting they can put anyone on the canvas!

(This one isn't mine but it's definitely crap enough to have been!) What do you call Father Christmas without any underpants on? - Saint Knickerless! 

So then,  I bet you feel better about missing out on my show now! (lol)

Still, it is not all misery here at the moment. I have had a lot more crimbo cards show up in the post and a few 'mystery' presents as well... what was that? What do I mean 'mystery present' - don't I know who they are from? Oh, I know who they are from alright it's just a mystery why anyone would want to buy me anything in the first place! (lol)

I have been a 'good boy' though so far and not 'peeked' at any of the gifts I've recieved, well, bar one that I didn't realise was a Christmas present and opened by mistake! I suspect I have a new CD to enjoy from my old mate, Dave Arnold along with a card and Jeff and Wendy Belton delived (from a social distance!) a lovely plant that they said contained a 'surprise'... Well, I wasn't sure how a plant could 'hide a surprise' so was intregued... It was a lovely, tall and green plant with funny shaped leaves and it 'ponged' a bit but I could not find anything hidden about 'it's person' at all? Just as I was about to give up on discovering the secret of its surprise there was a knock at the front door. It was two burly Policemen! Turns out my 'gift' is a Cannabis plant and the 'surprise' is about 3 months starting from January 10th according to the Cheif Inspector!  I pleaded my innocence of course but all to no avail - I guess I should have worried when I saw the little card that came with it said 'With love from Ernie The Elf' - Jeff Belton never has forgiven me for my stunt in 'making him a father live on air' two years ago! (lol)

Now, just in case you are a member of the police reading this - I am of course 'extracting the urine' with the above JOKE and do not wish to be raided! The nearest I get to 'pot' is twisting my ankle while crossing the road and the only smoke I ever see is when I burn all my old betting slips!

What? I'm talking a load of.... 

Well of course I am! I've got to fill up some space on this blog SOMEHOW this Christmas! It's not as if I can show you all pics of my 'adventures' like normal is it?

Oh well, time to love and leave you for now but as Arnie says 'I'll be back'!

'A Fun Christmas Quiz For You!'

Hi all!

Well, it's not long now until the big day!

I am glad to say that my spirits have been lifted a little since my last post even though my home town of Hastings has now one of the highest rates of infection re Covid 19 in the country. The reason for my happiness being the wonderful efforts of Tara Reddy and her 'Artsonprescription' team and the jolly 'Christmas online zoom party' that took place yesterday! In spite of the 'usual with zoom' issues of trying to get into the meeting in the first place once all there we shared lots of jokes, wore silly hats and did some festive drawings. I had been asked to put together a Christmas Quiz for the party and having been a D.J. for 15-20 years in my youth presenting it and reading the questions etc made me feel like my old self (or should I say ELF) again! (lol)

With 20 Questions of fun facts, trivia questions and 'little known but true' tales of Christmas in it this quiz is a 'quick fix' for any of you who want something short-ish (about 45 mins) to try and engage your family and friends with (if you are allowed to see them where you are!) over the festive period. I promised earlier that I would post my quiz questions for you all to 'have a go at home' here once I'd 'done my turn' for A.O.P. and so here it is!

Tony’s Silly & ‘Slightly Naughty List’ Christmas Quiz

Mad But True!

Q1 - In 2019 a Dad ordered an 8 feet high blow-up Santa from E Bay but what did he receive instead?

A) A 25 feet tall blow up Santa

B) An inflatable dingy

C) A blow up 'person' (ooh err, missus!)

Q2 - A Santa Claus (Rotten imposter!) was interviewed in Metro last year and was asked what the secret to being a good Santa was. Did he say it was…

A) Looking the part & having a real beard

B) Keeping up with what modern kids want and not asking them ‘daft questions’ about what they wanted for Christmas?

C) To have a happy disposition and the ability to adapt to any situation.

Q3 - When Builder, Steve Thomson won £105 Million near to Christmas one year what did he do for his existing customers?

A) Let them keep the money they owed him for the work he was doing so that they could pay someone to finish it for them and keep the rest for Christmas.

B) Finish the work himself for free.

C) Let them keep the money they owed him for the job and finish it himself.

Q4 - A school was praised last Christmas for banning homework. What did they urge their pupils to spend the time doing instead?

A) Help their Moms & Dad’s prepare the Christmas Dinner

B) Make somebody smile

C) Read a book of their choice and write an essay about it

Q5 - How many mince pies to Marks & Spencer expect to sell each year at Christmas?

A) 40 Million

B) 4 Million

C) 400 Million

Q6 - What is the name of the company that runs the ’Santa School’ in East London?

A) Your’e nibbling my mince pie - there is no Santa school!

B) The Ministry Of Fun

C) Claus & Co

Q7 - According to Scientists roughly how much would Santa’s sleigh weigh when fully loaded?

A) 400,000 Tons

B) 600,000 Tons

C) 1 Million Tons

Q8 - In a survey taken in 2014 what percentage of people asked said that they intended to watch the Queen’s Speech at Christmas?

A) 60%

B) 40%

C) 30%

Q9 - In what year did Mariah Carey’s classic Christmas hit ‘All I Want For Christmas Is You’ first chart in the U.K.?

A) 1991

B) 1994

C) 1993

Q10 - Approximately how many calories are there in a traditional Christmas dinner with all the trimmings and three glasses of wine?

A) 1200

B) 1600

C) 2000 

Q11 - Del & Rodney made us all laugh when they famously dressed up as Batman & Robin in the ‘Only Fools & Horses’ Christmas special from which year?

A)1983

B)1984

C)1985

Q12 - A man who fled from the police at 100MPH and went on the run for 4 years finally blamed his crimes on what when he was eventually caught?

A) Santa never calling when he was a kid

B) Going Bald

C) Charles Hawtrey beating him in a body building competition as a lad. 

Q13 - What was ‘Bing’ Crosby’s real first name?

A) Bud

B) Henry

C) Harry

Q14 - Ed Sheeran had the Christmas No 1 in 2018 with which song?

A) Perfect

B) How Would You Feel?

C) Shape Of You

Q15 - Which Christmas was the last years trading for Hastings Woolworths in Castle St after 80 years?

A)2000

B)2008

C)2010

Q16 - Which of the following celebrities did NOT die on Christmas Day?

A) James Brown

B) Peter Lawford

C) Charlie Chaplin

Q17 - How many ‘Carry On’ Christmas Specials were recorded for Thames Television?

A) 4

B) 3

C) 2

Q18 - Who’s quote about Christmas is this? “Santa Claus has the right idea - visit people once a year.”

A) Victor Borge

B) Spike Milligan

C) Boris Johnson

Q19 - Which famous painter was born on New Years Eve?

A) Henri Matisse

B) Claude Monet

C) Walter Sickert

Q20 - What was the name of Cliff Richards first solo Christmas No 1 hit?

A) Little Town

B) Mistletoe & Wine

C) Saviours Day

Answers:

1 A

2 C

3 C

4 B

5 A

6 B

7 A

8 C

9 B

10 C

11 A

12 B (But all win as my Christmas present to you all!)

13 C

14 A

15 B

16 B

17 A

18 A

19 A  (1869)

20 B (1988)

 That's it folks! DO have fun with this and DO let me know how you scored? The highest scorer amongst those who took part yesterday was 14 out of 20 so if you better that you will be doing very well!

Toodle pip for now! x

'Finding Solace In The Simple Things'

 As much as I am trying to be positive about Christmas this year if I am honest I am nursing a broken heart over the loss of my beloved Debenhams and tears keep flowing every time I try to concentrate on writing my 'tribute' article for 'Hastings Town' magazine 'making life difficult'...

In so many ways for me losing Debenhams is (almost) like losing a member of my family and because I have lots of lovely memories of my Nan tied up in the place as well it almost feels like losing her all over again, you know?

In many ways I have 'retreated' into the world of the 1970's this last few weeks and taken to watching lots of old programmes from that period on DVD. Networkonair.com is a brilliant place to shop for vintage films, dramas and television series and I have been enjoying Christmas episodes of 'classic' 70's comedies like 'The Rag Trade', 'Bless Me Father' and 'Two's Company' via their 'Classic ITV Christmas Comedy' compilation DVD set. I guess we are all feeling the need to escape the world as it is at the moment and for me that means returning to a time when I felt safe and didn't really have a care in the world. Childhood is such a great thing when you are brought up in a loving family environment and I was exceptionally lucky in that regard - something for many years I took for granted was the same for everyone until I learn't more about life.

Aside from cheering me up a bit all of my 'vintage viewing' has also brought a lot of memories back. Simple family related things, 70's life related things and even the odd smell and taste. One of which being the distinctive (and thankfully timeless) taste of Jaffa Oranges! I bet most reasonably well-off families had an ornate glass bowl full of Jaffa Oranges in their front room in the 1970's - probably in the centre of the living room on the coffee table next to the T.V. Times and Radio Times!

Blissfully, the scent and taste of Jaffa Oranges today is almost exactly the same as it was then and because of that I have been eating one a day every day since I heard the news about Debenhams as a kind of 'comfort food'. Immersing myself in the past has also inspired me and the other day I wrote the following 'Ode to the Jaffa Orange' because of that. Have a read and see if my poem connects with your 'inner child'! If so, do please let me know how it made you feel and what memories it evoked for you, won't you?

Max Jaffa

When I peel an Orange

I smell memories that date back as far as I can remember

When I taste an Orange

I am reminded of the sun, of happiness and of freedom

When I roll an Orange

I am a boy again and see my Grandfather at Christmas, hear the cracking of hazelnuts and dream of tiny hammers and of the toffee tray

When I see an Orange

I am reminded of simplicity and of how the simple things in life are often the best

When I share an Orange

I think of Tiny Tim and of a re-awakened Ebeneezer Scrooge - no longer scarred by life but touched by love

When I dissect an Orange

I think of chocolate of Terry Scott and yearn for a ‘curly wurly’

And when I paint an Orange

I feel comforted and content - safe in the knowledge that when I finish my painting all of the above shall never be lost to me…

Antony May 14/12/20

'Some Dickensian Festive Footage To Cheer You Up!"

 Even for a ‘Christmas person’ like me it is hard to get much of a grip on the festive spirit this year. Though I have been writing and sending out cards ‘willy nilly’ for the best part of a month now (all around the globe to!) so far this year I have only actually received two cards - one from a friend I met for a coffee and the other an advent calendar style card from the people at The Postcode Lottery (I’m yet to win more than £10 in about a decade!).

I do understand though how hard it is to focus on Christmas this year and also that for many people it all must either seem ‘impossible’ because they have lost someone or have lost their job or ‘pointless’ because there is no way anyone is really going to be able to enjoy the festive season properly this year with all of the restrictions and Covid 19 worries.

I myself am concerned now at how the infection rate in Hastings is shooting up and fear for the future but Christmas is I feel something to sustain me rather than a burden or a worry. When the going gets tough and the world looks to be a pretty bleak place that is when you need to be able to ‘return to childhood’ and ‘escape’ into the magic of Christmas! 

With ‘constants’ like my beloved Debenhams struggling this year and no huge Christmas Tree outside Gordon Busbridge in London Rd (for the first time I can ever remember) so I need the comfort of cards, card writing, present giving and of course a trip to Kings Road to see the Christmas lights. Twinkle, twinkle little star enters my head as I say that and I can almost smell the scent of Jaffa Oranges - a taste sensation that I believe to be EXACTLY the same as when I was a small boy in the 1970’s and watching my Grandad rolling his orange on the living room table in the hope that he might then be able to peel it more easily! Now I can see the sight of the Toffee Tray with its small metal hammer and If I try really hard recall the smell of nan’s ‘special gravy’ - made from the juices and fat from the Turkey! 

No, SOD COVID 19 - no matter what it does to us this year it can never take away warm memories of Christmas past! See, I’m beginning to sound like my old friend, Charles Dickens now! (lol)

Now, talking of Charles Dickens, if you read this blog every year you will know that I visited the Rochester Dickensian Festival  last year and had a great time. I took a fair bit of film footage while there and now I have edited the best bits of it into a 13 minute film! Sadly, it is no longer possible to upload videos here and I had to remove all of my content from Youtube because of their ridiculous change in policy from Jan 1st regarding child protection laws BUT I have now managed to upload my footage to Facebook! I believe my film is ‘public’ so anyone should be able to see it. If you want to have a look at my film just search Facebook for ‘Rochester Dickensian Festival 2019’ and it should come up - it did when I just tried it.

Whatever we do this year we MUST preserve the jollity in Christmas! O.K. so a ‘snog under the mistletoe’ is out for now but that will just make it all the sweeter when you ‘catch up’ with that person once this is all over! (lol) If you have to ‘chuck’ a few more sherries down your throat this Christmas to bring back your smile and have the odd cold shower to ‘take the edge off your desires’ but lets all say SCREW YOU Covid 19 and laugh in the face of adversity! xx

'The Joy Of Human Interaction!'

 Well, December is 'racing away' again as usual! Even in this 'lockdown' year it seems impossible to get Christmas organised, sorted, written, sent and delivered!

I have this morning though been out doing some delivering. Rather than walk round and round my new 'exercise yard' at the cycle bowl at the end of my road I decided today that I would be thrifty and walk around Hollington delivering Christmas cards to my friends houses and save myself some money on postage. To be honest, I am NOT surprised these days to see Post Office staff wearing masks and gloves because the prices charged now for stamps/parcel deliveries is daylight robbery! (lol) Even second class stamps cost you an arm and a leg and I hear first class will be about 90p soon! I know e mail and online electronic cards has knocked the amount of physical cards being sent down a lot but continually raising prices is only going to cut the Post Office's business even more! 

Anyway, I walked about three miles in total and saved myself at least 4 stamps in the bargain so that is another £2 something I can use to help buy Christmas presents. Saving cash every way that I can is a priority for me these days but I will always spend money happily on presents for people because friends, family and lovers (if you're lucky enough to have one!) are worth every penny!

There is no substitute for human interaction and just things like sharing a joke with a stranger in the street can help cheer you up. On my way back from delivering my cards this morning I saw two guys trying to deliver a settee up a tricky flight of steps. I stood and watched them struggling and so when they turned around one of them said to me in a jovial tone "You were waiting for us to fail, weren't you"! "Now you know what happens when someone says they want something suite for Christmas!" I called back as quick as a flash. Both guys roared with laughter and we all went away happier and grinning to ourselves.

Talking about grinning - my old mate, Jeff Belton and I put the finishing touches to our Christmas radio show the other day. You have no idea how much work there is that goes into preparing a radio show if you've never done one before. Oh  no! When you switch on your radio or listen online and it all sounds very 'off the cuff' you think that all a D.J. does for his money is turn up, play records, talk a bit and then 'bugger off home' but there is a LOT more to making a good show than that! 'Winging it' does play its part in any live radio broadcast though because you never know what can happen or how the atmosphere in the studio is going to feel on the day. It's the same when you are making records and recording in a recording studio - some days the 'atmosphere just works' and you and the people you are working with just click. Other days it feels awkward and what you get sounds 'forced' rather than natural and inspired. All you can do in either case though is do your homework, prepare and get a clear picture in your mind about what you are hoping to achieve and then hope for the best!

Finally for today, I also took part in a 'Creative Writing' session on zoom last Thursday with Artsonprescription and one of the exercises we were given to do was to use part of a poem by Kitty Wright called 'My Dream Box' to create our own poem 'in that style'. I was quite pleased with what I came up with because, not only do I think it says a lot about me and how I am feeling at the moment, it has a wonderfully quirky 'pattern of thoughts' about it. Have a read and see what you think?

My Dream Box

I will put in the box

A journey endlessly up and down the escalators at Debenhams

Thoughts of family and friends

Smiling faces, laughter and a cinematic illusion of togetherness

I will put in the box

The safety pin from God’s nappy

A bottle of Kinnie from sunny Malta

My ipod complete with never ending batteries rechargeable by love

My box shall appear as a Christmas box

Wrapped in paper with ribbon it shall be tied

It’s strength an inner resolve and unending magic

I will dream in my box

Of romantic liasons, candle lit moments

And of how words allowed actions to speak.

Antony May 3/12/20