Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear! This year has been a real bar-steward hasn't it! As I expect you found out this morning, in spite of all of our efforts planning it my Christmas appearance on C.H. R. (Conquest Hospital Radio) had to be cancelled at the last minute because of the pandemic. Jeff Belton and I were prepared to go to the Conquest and do the show but with Hastings & St Leonards in a bad way with new infections and the Conquest housing a good many Covid patients now the head of C.H.R. decided the safest thing to do was to cancel all live shows for the time being...
As GUTTED as I was to hear the news yesterday I can't say that I blame him. There might be a chance (depending on what happens with the virus) that Jeff and I will get to do the show at a later date but even if we do it won't be quite the same as doing it in the run up to Christmas.
ANYWAY, no point in dwelling on spilt milk and so I think to cheer you up a bit I will tell you a few of the 'crap jokes' I had written especially for the show - that way you will be GLAD that it was cancelled! (lol)
Here goes...
Have you ever stopped to think about how thousands of women have babies delivered each year and yet you never see anyone sign for them on the doorstep.
My mum said that she wanted something sweet for Christmas this year - so I bought her a sofa.
My Doctor always tells me that I am on a diet entirely of my own making - in the respect that no matter what he tells me to do I am determined to eat what I like until I die!
Why are Artists always tougher than the best Boxers? Because once they get their brushes out and start painting they can put anyone on the canvas!
(This one isn't mine but it's definitely crap enough to have been!) What do you call Father Christmas without any underpants on? - Saint Knickerless!
So then, I bet you feel better about missing out on my show now! (lol)
Still, it is not all misery here at the moment. I have had a lot more crimbo cards show up in the post and a few 'mystery' presents as well... what was that? What do I mean 'mystery present' - don't I know who they are from? Oh, I know who they are from alright it's just a mystery why anyone would want to buy me anything in the first place! (lol)
I have been a 'good boy' though so far and not 'peeked' at any of the gifts I've recieved, well, bar one that I didn't realise was a Christmas present and opened by mistake! I suspect I have a new CD to enjoy from my old mate, Dave Arnold along with a card and Jeff and Wendy Belton delived (from a social distance!) a lovely plant that they said contained a 'surprise'... Well, I wasn't sure how a plant could 'hide a surprise' so was intregued... It was a lovely, tall and green plant with funny shaped leaves and it 'ponged' a bit but I could not find anything hidden about 'it's person' at all? Just as I was about to give up on discovering the secret of its surprise there was a knock at the front door. It was two burly Policemen! Turns out my 'gift' is a Cannabis plant and the 'surprise' is about 3 months starting from January 10th according to the Cheif Inspector! I pleaded my innocence of course but all to no avail - I guess I should have worried when I saw the little card that came with it said 'With love from Ernie The Elf' - Jeff Belton never has forgiven me for my stunt in 'making him a father live on air' two years ago! (lol)
Now, just in case you are a member of the police reading this - I am of course 'extracting the urine' with the above JOKE and do not wish to be raided! The nearest I get to 'pot' is twisting my ankle while crossing the road and the only smoke I ever see is when I burn all my old betting slips!
What? I'm talking a load of....
Well of course I am! I've got to fill up some space on this blog SOMEHOW this Christmas! It's not as if I can show you all pics of my 'adventures' like normal is it?
Oh well, time to love and leave you for now but as Arnie says 'I'll be back'!
No comments:
Post a Comment