'A Merry Christmas To All!'

Well folks, today is the day! I've just this minute got in from my around the world trip delivering your presents and feel very happy and contented with my nights work! The weather was quite nice this year and so the sleigh wasn't subject to a great deal of turbulence. No pesky 'drone' can get up high enough to interfere with my global tracking system either so Rudolph and the other reindeers don't have that problem to content with!

My host yesterday, D.J. Jeff Belton

I tell you what it gets VERY tiring being Santa in this modern age though? We didn't have all this 'blogging lark' when I first started and sometimes I feel a bit like The Queen having to write something meaningful, festive and jolly each year on here for you all to read on Christmas morning!

Still, being Santa does have its benefits! I don't have to buy a single mince pie all the year round because I collect so many on Christmas Eve  I have a years supply in one night gifted to me! With the weather up here at the north pole as cold and chilly as it is I don't need a fridge either - I just 'do a squirrel job' and bury mince pies out in the snow all around my cottage. I don't always manage to find all of them again but the Reindeer love them (though I don't want them getting so fat that they can't fly!) and 'Mrs Christmas' is always on to me about 'that stomach of yours'!

I have literally WAREHOUSES full of Sherry and Carrots as well thanks to all of you. My magic dust helps me to shrink them to such a tiny size that I can fit them into just one sack on the sleigh Christmas Eve, which is very handy, I can tell you! I do eat some of the things you leave out for me though on the night. Delivering Christmas presents at breakneck speed is hard work you know and even a man with 'a weight problem and no chance of joining his local weight watchers group' like me needs something to keep him going! A Mrs. Jones from Carshalton, in Surrey U.K. always leaves me a WONDERFUL spread of stuff! She bakes it all herself and puts a lot of love and care into it. If its a really cold night she often leaves me a thick, home made scarf and a pair of matching gloves and makes sure that the fire will still be raging in the hearth for when I arrive. I got a 'nasty surprise' the first time she did that because I got in to her house 'the traditional way' down the chimney but now I know what to expect I try to make enough time on my round to stop and enjoy Mrs. Jones 'festive fare' each year.

It's love at first sight for Jeff and Ernie! 

Not that I am into all this new 'gender labelling or NOT labelling' thing but I have to say in fairness that a lot more Men are now becoming great cooks and 'doing right by me' on Christmas Eve. I think the Hairy Bikers have a lot to do with the improvement in their cooking skills as they somehow made riding a BIG motorcycle while 'looking hard' and filling fairy cake cases with a gooey mixture go together. Its good to learn as many skills as you can kids - no knowledge is a waste of time as you never know in this life when or if it will be needed!

Well, its nearly time for me to go (the old eyes are hard to keep open now) but before I do I would like to tell you that I had a WONDERFUL time yesterday morning on the Jeff Belton 'Christmas Jamboree Bag' Christmas show on CHR. I really 'kippered' poor old Jeff with my 'making him a father live on air' ruse and he was TERRIFIED when he first arrived in the car to pick me up that morning(lol). Jeff is always VERY high on my 'nice list' each year though (always has been - good lad!) and so I thought he would see the funny side of my 'little joke'.

Like father, like son!

He did in the end, of course and I am fulfilled in the knowledge now that I have managed to find another loving home for one of my little Elves. 'Ernie The Elf Belton' will watch over Jeff and look after him throughout his lifetime but Jeff has to be a 'good Dad' and care for Ernie as well. That Jeff was teaching Ernie all about broadcasting and giving him lots of cuddles as soon as he saw him tells me that they will be a 'match made in heaven'!

As for the CRAZY, Tony May, well, you will just have to work out for yourselves whether you think this post was really written by him or by me? Won't you?

That 'crazy' Tony May fella - or it it? HA HA

HO HO HO

Love and a Merry Christmas!

Santa Claus xx

P.S.) Mrs. Claus says to tell, Sally Patricia Gardner that though she does all of the cooking in our household she's quite happy to do so as I can't cook and she is hopeless with a hammer and chisel - unless I've upset her, of course! xx

'Do NOT Miss This Show!'

Well tickle my baubles, it's nearly Christmas!

I'm in a VERY silly mood this morning and looking forward to my Conquest Hospital Radio appearance tomorrow morning (from 9AM -Midday) on the, Jeff Belton show! Young Jeffers and I got together earlier in the week to put the final touches to the programme and run through what we are going to do BUT poor 'Sir Jeffrey' does not know of my 'fiendish' plan to put him in the record books as the 'first radio presenter to become a father live on air!' HA HA HA HA

Now, now, before you start writing in to have the show banned or start contacting the mental health services (not him AGAIN they will tell you!) you no need worry about an X rated radio broadcasting! As I revealed here in a previous post I have 'connections' to the Claus family and they have sent me a small vial of Father Christmas's MAGIC pixie dust! Our Jeffrey is going to be GOBSMACKED when he walks out of the studio tomorrow afternoon as a DAD with responsibilities and all of the commitments that go with it, OH YES! (lol)

So now, I mean, come on, HOW CAN YOU MISS SUCH A SHOW?

Packed with Christmas music, fun, jokes, CRAZY conversations and now this AMAZING feat to be performed for the first time anywhere in the world LIVE on radio you just HAVE to tune in, don't you?

HO HO HO and HA HA HA as well! (lol)

'A Christmas Carol Has Worked Its Magic Again!'

It is common knowledge that I consider, Charles Dickens 'A Christmas Carol' to be the greatest story ever written bar none and I often try to watch the Alastair Sim version of the movie once as Christmas Day draws near. There have been numerous screen versions of the story and most are worth watching but for me, Alastair Sim's 'Scrooge' is the one that I can relate to more than any other. Not only does Sim play 'Scrooge' with conviction the characters gradual repentance is believable thanks to his numerous complaints that he is 'too old to change his ways' etc. In a lot of the films I've seen the transformation from the bitter and cold man Scrooge has become thanks to the harshness of the world and the loss of his beloved sister, Fan comes too easily and thus even the elation of the 'happy to be alive' Ebenezer falls a bit flat. I ALWAYS end up with a kind smile upon my face when I see Sim's Scrooge jumping about and doing silly things like a madman after the visit of the three ghosts...

'Bob The Bauble' mimics the re-born, Scrooge!

The supporting cast are all excellent as well! George Cole plays the young Scrooge (He and Alastair Sim were very close in real life as well) and a VERY young, Nicholas Parsons appears as 'Tiny Tim'.  Well, according to IMDB, Glyn Dearman plays 'Tiny Tim' but you take a look at the film and then tell me that it isn't, Nicholas Parsons!  Patrick McNee (Young Jacob Marley) and Hattie Jacques (Mrs Fezziwig) are also in it and the elder/ghost, Jacob Marley is brilliantly played by, Michael Hordern.

The film was released in 1951 and I have seen it about 7 or 8 times during my lifetime, which is easily a record for me as I'm not generally one for repetition of any kind.

The great thing about watching, A Christmas Carol though is that it helps you to 'take stock' of your life and shows you the enormous value of the people you know to your general happiness. Money is always a difficulty at this time of year and so many people get caught up in the commercialised side of it but at the end of the day it really is 'the thought that counts'. Its such a shame that nearly all of the wonderful people who made this film are now dead but their influence lives on and shall live on for future generations via this film. Alastair Sim also features in my favourite film of all time, 'School For Scoundrels' with Terry-Thomas and Ian Carmichael so in a lot of ways he is one of my favourite Actors.

I fear I may have 'forged a chain of many heavy links' like, Jacob Marley in this world not so much through greed for money or being 'tight' but for being a bit 'closed hearted' to much of the suffering in the world. Mankind should be all of our business but I feel close only to a small percentage of it. Hopefully, I do a fair job of showing how I feel to that small percentage and try to look after people I love the best way that I can but I just don't feel able to 'throw my arms around the whole world'. Whatever fate awaits me though I wish there were more time to try and help me to experience some of the numerous things I have missed out on in this world.

Photo courtesy of allposters.co.uk

Scrooge is right in one respect that it is VERY hard to tread a new path once you have spent a LIFETIME walking down a familiar one. I would love to get married one day but just think I have 'missed the boat' on that front now and with so many possessions that remind me of cherished moments in my past I can't really see how I could 'start a new life' with someone as part of an 'us'. So sad really because I do have a lot of love to give...

Oh well, maybe just one person who reads this 'revealing and honest' blog post this Christmas will manage to change their life and become  like the 'new born' Scrooge. We all feel we are 'alone with thinking this or that' at some time or other in our lives and never more so than at Christmas time so my hope is, if not for me, that these words will help one of you in your time of dilemma...

Merry Christmas xx

P.S. If you think 'Bob the Bauble' is cute I got him in the Town Hall at the Grassington Christmas Fair.

'Under A Week To Go!'

Not long until the big day now! The weather is 'suitably un-festive' though (as usual) and its teeming down with rain again this morning. My cold is also hanging on longer than those 'friends & relatives' that come to stay at Christmas each year and has now gone on to my chest! (lol)

The smiley, Kate Rosie from 'Teddy Tinkers' in London Rd

OTHER THAN THAT (lol) I have been enjoying the run up to Christmas Day and attended a Christmas Barbeque Party thrown by the very FABULOUS, Kate Rosie from 'Teddy Tinkers'. As you might expect in mid December we had LOVELY weather and Kate said the burgers were lovely (if you could catch them) and the sausages divine (as long as you could lift your snorkel out of the way enough to take a bite).

So it rained then?

Oh yes! Just a tad! But it didn't dampen the Christmas spirit and everyone had a great time. I got three 'very dubious considering my single status' presents on the night as well. Three boxes of 'lucky dip presents' had been put together and we all had to choose one at random times during the evening. The three boxes were entitled 'Boys', 'Girls' and 'Not Sure' and I (without consciously thinking) picked my first gift from the 'Not Sure' box. Well! I got a small metal SHEEP for my pains made by Kate's hubbie, Alex!

The irony of these gifts will not be lost on the universe!

Now, most of you who know me will have burst out laughing at this - you rotten swines! (lol) The next 'random gift' I got turned out to be 11,000 of toy pirate money! You can buy a LOT of metal SHEEP with that, oh yes! (lol) Thankfully, the final gift I received was a simple biro with a football on the top - nothing 'double entendre' about that you might say but I would point out that potentially all three gifts involve playing with balls! (lol)

Oh dear, that REALLY is a GRIM joke, isn't it? By gum, you can soon tell reading this blog how far 'stuck up my own era' I am, can't you? My one defence being that if you can't have a bit of fun and 'let your hair down' (FAT CHANCE OF THAT!) at Christmas then when can you?

Talking of people 'having a bit of fun' I saw a chap in the street the other day wearing a suit made to look like Christmas wrapping paper! Bright red it was and he had a 'sparkly' sequinned red hat on as well. The suit was quite well made as well - not a 'home-made' job and he told me when I stopped him to say "well done and Happy Christmas" that there is a company now selling them on the Internet.

GREAT to see a few PRO Christmas things coming from the digital age and i really hope more people will decide to buy one to wear 'for a laugh' at Christmas! I would have asked him for a photo but he was with a lady and she was a 'vulnerable adult' and so I didn't think it appropriate. He must be a 'good lad' I reckon as he probably works in the care industry - Santa won't forget him on December the 25th, I'm sure of that!

I did my bit later that day to 'spread the insanity of Christmas' when with my friend, Stephanie in the Hanushka Coffee House in George Street (Hastings Old Town). Sitting there wearing my Christmas jumper that makes me look as if I am wearing a Santa suit I asked Stephanie whether she was 'suitably humiliated to be seen with me in public yet or not?' Stephanie (who knows me of old) grinned and denied that she was - so to make sure of it I opened my shoulder bag and pulled out a large Elf hat with a bell on the end and sat there wearing that as well! To say that I got a few "Oh, GOD PLEEEESSSE' looks from the 'miserable git community' was an understatement but quite a few people who were in the shop already or who walked in and spotted me thought it was fun!

I LOVE spreading a bit of good cheer and insanity at this time of year and for every person who thinks its 'pathetic for a man of my age' there are two (or more) who smile. Smiles are what we need more than ever in the world at the moment and so I shall continue to be as 'daft as a brush' in public places at Christmastime no matter what!

Love Tony xxx

'Some Nostalgic Thoughts'

As I have been 'laid up' for three days now with a cold I have had plenty of time to think and that is both good and bad (as we all know). I've managed to do most of my Christmas shopping this year now and have done most of it online. It pains me to do that really but I went into Hastings town centre the other week with a voucher to spend and a specific thing in mind I wanted to spend it on. After visiting, H.M.V., W H Smiths, Argos and one or two others, however I could not find anyone who stocked what I was after! Walking around the town 'with a purpose' and visiting REAL shops and seeing and touching REAL items felt really good and I got much more of the sense of Christmas but at the end of the day I came home empty handed...

It's such a shame how our High Streets are 'falling away' everywhere and Christmas loses some of its magic when you 'shop' in front of your computer screen but the decline in the amount of retail outlets and the fact that you CAN get pretty much anything that is generally available anywhere online means that it is now very hard to support local traders. It's not so bad if you are looking for something in the arts & crafts line as Hastings (The Old Town especially) is GREAT for that kind of thing but other than food or other perishables these days it is so much easier to find what you want online...

I do miss the sense of excitement, the festive atmosphere and the sign of the streets PACKED with shoppers all carrying carrier bags at this time of year though. Stress might have been a factor for a lot of the people shopping back then but the sights and sounds of Christmas used to be EVERYWHERE! Kings Rd in St Leonards was such an exciting place to be when I was a kid at Christmas time and all of the shops (both big and small) went to a lot of trouble to try and attract customers and every shop you visited would be laden with tinsel! There used to be carol singers in the streets at certain times and the 'Sally Army'  would turn up and play as well - Christmas shopping was a social thing but it was also something that could be enjoyed - especially when you got a thrill finding that 'something special you didn't know about' for someone. These days that rarely, if ever happens as its almost impossible to NOT KNOW about something due to either the 'bot' on Google or Facebook working out what you like and 'throwing' the right ads your way...

I guess that's not all a bad thing and I have bought items that I 'seriously wanted but would probably never have known about otherwise' because of those ads but its rather like winning the lottery and being able to buy anything you want to - without the thrill of the chase or discovery somehow it doesn't mean as much, you know?

The other thing I have been 'nostalgic' about recently is a wage packet! (lol) It will be a DECADE next year since I got paid a wage (other than my once yearly 'collecting' pot!) and I certainly miss the freedom my festive wages at Mason's Music used to give me to enjoy Christmas! My old boss, was a real 'good un' and he always treated us very well at Christmas with a cash bonus, a present AND a 'meal out on the firm'. We used to have to work like galley slaves for about a month though up until the Christmas break because the orders just kept piling in! I used to get a perverse delight at counting how many orders behind we were on the boss's desk - much to his and the rest of the staff's irritation - but only really because it used to spur me on to keep going when I was pretty knackered! I've always been one for a 'lost cause' (hence 'The Clean Up Man') and somehow taking on the world and  STILL winning has always motivated me.

Sadly, the business I used to work for itself has now closed (another victim of the Internet age) but I do still see my old boss occasionally, which is nice...

Oh well, who knows what 2019 will bring? I don't hold out much hope for a return to earning cash nor can I honestly say that I think it will be a good year but you HAVE to live in hope, don't you?

If you have any thoughts about 'the old days of Christmas High Street shopping' do share them with me. They say nostalgia is all you have as you get older so it would be good for both of us to know that there's 'someone else out there' who understands! (lol)

'Back From Grassington With A Filthy Cold!'

It was great to make the 'pilgrimage' back to Grassington in Yorkshire for their annual Dickensian Festival but I have returned home with a filthy cold!

The weather 'up north' was appalling while I was there with high winds and plenty of rain. Luckily though, I only really got one 'drenching' and that was during my last half an hour in Grassington.

One of the oh so Christmassy shop windows in Grassington

Things did not work out 'to plan' on a number of levels as far as my holiday was concerned. It took over 13 hours to get to our hotel in Skipton from Hastings because of bad weather, people not turning up at the collection points and the plethora of accidents on the roads. We were supposed to 'pop in' to Newark on the way up for our lunch stop but got 're-directed' to Melton Mowbray instead as the motorway was backed up due to an accident. Our driver then told us when we got back on the coach that according to his sat nav EVERY possible route from Melton Mowbray to where we wanted to go had an accident on it somewhere!

To make matters worse, our party (only 15 of us) were due to attend a 'Christmas Party' at the hotel that evening and so being constantly held up meant that when we FINALLY arrived the Hotel manager was under pressure to start serving the Christmas meals to the other guests! In the end we had 30 mins to basically 'chuck our bags ion our rooms, beautify ourselves and get down to the function room'. It wasn't ideal but I still enjoyed myself! In all there was about 20 tables of people to serve and with about 8-10 per table I could see why our being so late was giving the poor hotel manager the jitters!

I tell you what though, I was THRILLED with the hotel itself! The Rendezvous Hotel in Skipton may only have a three star rating but when you walk into the 'hospitality' area and see TWO FULL -SIZED REAL CHRISTMAS TREES adorned with lights, baubles and with presents underneath to your left it makes a BIG impact upon you - especially if you are a 'Christmas person', like me!

With an 'imposter' at the Rendezvous Hotel, Skipton.

In fact, what with the friendly, smiley staff and the VERY comfortable seating areas (both in the foyer and about the upstairs bar) the Rendezvous Hotel has a 'showbizzy glitz' about it. All of the staff are 'well drilled' and the way that the waitering was done with 'military precision' at the Christmas Party was impressive! As far as the food goes, I didn't eat anything that I didn't like during my stay though I can imagine a 'proper foodie' picking one or two holes re the odd 'potato that was not cooked properly' or similar. Re- Craig Revel Horwood and his infamous '10 paddle' you do have to be ULTRA-PICKY to find real fault though.  

After the main lunch some of the staff engaged their guests in some 'party games' (which was fun - even if people were reluctant to take part at first) with prizes of bottles of bubbly for the winners and then the D.J. handed over to a great duo who played guitars and sang along to backing tracks. That makes them sound 'naff' but they were actually very good and I danced to 'Let's Dance' by Bowie and their rocky version of 'Sweet Child Of Mine' by Guns n 'Roses. They also did a lot of other 80's classics by Erasure, Tears For Fears and Soft Cell, which was unusual...

Many of the other guests were dressed up in fancy dress and I (complete with my Christmas Elf jumper and soft pointed Elf slippers with bells on the end) thus didn't look quite the 'prat' I would have otherwise!(lol) I got to dance with 'Wonder Woman' as well!!!

Maybe because of the weather on arrival in Grassington I did not find quite so many 'hardy souls' dressed up in Dickensian costume as last year. The pretty lady who played the flute dressed as a fairy wasn't there nor were the two ladies who 'manned' the 'crumble and custard' stall but the village was every bit as festive and Christmassy looking as I remembered it.

Sadly, this year we had only 4 hours to enjoy ourselves as opposed to 6 last year. I fully understand how 6 hours at a place smaller than Rye might be a problem for most (especially the elderly) but for a Christmas fool like me who loves nothing more than staring 'gooey eyed' into Christmassy toyshop windows or staring lovingly at fairy lights it was no time at all!

'Scrooge' and his helper plug my album!

I DID manage to have a brief chat this time though with the man who plays 'Scrooge' and his accomplice. I thanked him for the wonderful effort he puts in each year and told him I had come all the way from Hastings to savour more of his antics. He said that he hadn't played in Hastings for an age but had some knowledge of the area. I gave him a copy of my 'A Nod To Mr. Dickens' CD and explained that only 100 had every been made and that I had decided to give some of them to people like him who really go in for the traditional meaning of Christmas and give so much joy to others. he and his mate (who pulls him along in his barrow) seemed genuinely touched by this gesture and agreed to pose for a couple of photos for me as a result.

More from my adventures in Grassington next time! x

'Time's Going Too Fast! (lol)'

Oh, oh! I see the word 'December' has 'crept' onto the calendar already!

I am ' still fighting' to get prepared for Christmas this year and have missed my December the 1st deadline to have all cards written, presents bought, foreign cards sent and presents wrapped BUT I am doing much better than the previous two years when I ended up in total chaos and some people just got nothing at all!

The cost of sending real cards has gotten a bit silly these days though as I found out this morning. After having to shell out over £12 to send a dozen or so cards I cheekily asked the lady behind the counter if her bosses name happened to be 'Turpin' and if so if he liked riding horses? I can't say that she appreciated my sense of humour but then that's nothing new either today! (lol)

By gum, I'd LOVE to send us all back to the 1970's or 80's when everyone sent cards at Christmas time and you could have a joke with people!

Anyway, I have felt very 'blessed' the last week or so because I have been treated fabulously by a series of friends of late. Yesterday my 'old mucka', Jeff Belton and his wife, Wendy treated me to a three course Christmas meal at The Brickwall Hotel in Sedlescombe. Seeing as I have 'chipped in' and done a bit of hospital radio broadcasting this year they felt I deserved to attend the CHR Christmas meal. The Brickwall Hotel is a lovely old building with old oak beams, a real fireplace and plenty of 'period features' and I really enjoyed my visit there. The staff were all very smiley and friendly and the food was great! I had a bowl of spicy parsnip soup for starters followed by a traditional Christmas Turkey and stuffing meal (with all the trimmings) and a GORGEOUS (Darling) Raspberry cheesecake for afters. I'm a 'great man' for my Cheesecakes and know a good one from a bad one so they were under pressure not to disappoint! No worries though as this was definitely a GOOD one and I enjoyed it immensely.

I joked with one of the people I was sitting with that I was glad that we all had our names and our menu choices on little cards in front of us. "I'm not very good at following instruction and got into a lot of trouble a few years ago at a similar do", I said. "How was that, she (unwisely!) asked?" Well, I asked if they had a record of my menu choices as I'd forgotten them and they said "not to worry as they would send over what was mine". "Unfortunately, I then ate the waitress! (lol)"

Another person in our party remarked that 'The Brickwall Hotel' was a strange name for such a beautiful venue. "It's called The Brickwall Hotel because trying to get served here is like talking to a brick wall", I said, with a grin. Nothing could be further from the truth in actual fact as all of the staff were attentive to our needs and did everything with a smile. Considering how busy the Hotel was (another two functions were taking place at the same time as ours) that took some doing, I can tell you!

I'm hoping to get to Battle this afternoon to 'get my fill' of the festive atmosphere there is there every year and to get some footage and pics of the WONDERFUL Christmas tree that is 'in situ' on the Market Square this year in the centre of town. They know how to do Christmas trees properly in Battle with the bulbs all the way to the ground - unlike the 'we can't trust anyone who lives here not to nick or vandalise our bulbs' brigade that ensure all trees in Hastings only have bulbs at the top!

Grrr, don't get me started on that subject! (lol)

Not sure if I will be able to get many great pics or any decent footage as my camera doesn't really 'do' poor light shots that well but I will try if I can and (hopefully) post some of the results here.

Oh well, toodle-pip for now - onwards and further downward as I always say! (lol) xx